The Lean Startup Applied To Parenting
It is accepted that children are natural scientists. And as a parent you want to do everything to foster their natural curiosity. You relish every moment as they point at dogs, birds, trees, etc. Telling them what each thing is, what it does. You are so proud of yourself. You look at yourself proudly in the mirror, the bags under your eyes seem smaller, you say to yourself you’ve got this. In the meantime your child has reached over the table grabbed a fork and is trying to see if it can fit in the electric outlet and you find yourself screaming “NO”
Anyway, where were we. Oh yeah it is wonderful to see children being so curious. But maybe they can put on hold for a bit. You know just learn what I teach you for now. It’s okay to see but don’t try anything, ask for my permission first. Oh and please get that out of your mouth. Actually this whole curiosity thing, can we put it on pause for the next 5 years. Yes take it all our on your teacher. Ask them all kinds of questions. Just not now, not today, not with me. It’s going to be okay, you’ll understand the consequences of your actions then, you’ll be more responsible then. Not now.
So this reminded me of Eric Ries’ book “The Lean Startup”. If you read the Cliff’s notes of the book you’ll think it talks about how a startup is all about doing experiments. Except it’s not. It’s just as much about how to do experiments so you have a startup. From the start of the book it focuses on how experimentation is about gaining validated learning. The key to validated learning is your learnings must be a controlled experiment that follow the scientific method and must be gained in a way that follows the lean philosophy of minimize waste. And the minimize waste is key. It is what underpins our fear, anger, frustration, panic as we scream “NO” at our child for doing what we want them to do the most just in a different context.
In a startup environment reducing waste behind your experiments manifests both in keeping each experiment small to minimize the costs. Because for the experiment to be an experiment you should be allowed to fail. And well, your child is not allowed to fail when they conduct an experiment on what happens if you put a piece of metal in an electric outlet so you cannot let them conduct that experiment.
So let’s relook at the idea of the child’s curiosity again with the lens of we’re trying to maximize value and minimize waste. What is value? The child enjoying themselves, learning, bonding with you, finding their place in this world, all of that is I believe valuable to me and my child. What is waste? The most obvious and biggest, is such a big deal that I don’t feel the word “waste” does it justice. But the worst thing that can happen is any kind of harm to your child. And that was why you forgot your loving self and yelled “NO”. Other forms of waste are the time expended in having to clean up, dealing with the icky gross aspect, etc.
So how can we apply this model.
- We accept the curiosity as necessary and to encouraged but certain rules to be in place. And no, I haven’t figured out how to communicate rules with a non vocal toddler yet. Consider this point the serenity prayer of dealing with the child’s curiosity
- We need to keep the negative outcomes in perspective. Without the negative outcomes we can’t provide them with the positive outcomes so some level of negative outcomes are to be expected. They’ll fall down, they’ll get scratches and scuffs. They’ll eat weird things. Most of it, most of the time is okay.
- We should create environments that reduce unacceptable risks. Which you know means you put covers on the electric outlets.
- We should be deliberate about replacing their learnings with validated learnings.getting value from the learnings to make them into validated learnings.
That fourth point is the most interesting one. Much like in your professional life sometimes it comes easy, other times it proves to be a challenge. E.g., When you left your baby standing unsupported while being close enough to catch them to keep them from hitting their head. If they ask to try what you’re eating obliging them but keeping some water or milk nearby.
But there are other times when this is hard. Despite the fact that I put covers on our hypothetical outlets for the purposes of this example we have removed the hypothetical covers. And our hypothetic place is really dangerous. How can I make them aware of the consequences without hurting them? I’ve considered causing a short circuit which would have the outcome of possibly hurting me but even worse, instead of having the spark and explosion scare them it might make them more excited (after all it’ll turn into a fireworks machine. Actually touching it and getting mildly electrocuted while in a monitored situation is still too high risk for most likely most of us. So I have no idea how to make them aware of the danger of stove knobs or electric outlets.
So I’m curious to hear from others? What are some examples of you guiding your children into validated learning that you are proud of? What are some things that you struggle to create a smaller lower cost experiment?
